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Express Agent News
26 Oct 2016 issue
Selected article shown below. See all articles for this issue.
Express Humour: Signs You May Have Finally Grown Up
Some very enlightening insights about real life; these may not be funny (some are actually quite sad) but they did make me chuckle. I hope you enjoy them – and that not a single one of them applies to you or any of your friends!
25 SIGNS YOU MAY HAVE GROWN UP
- Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
- Having sex in a single bed is out of the question.
- You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
- 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
- You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
- You watch the Weather Channel.
- Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 15.
- Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as "dressed up."
- You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the music.
- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
- You don't know what time KFC closes anymore.
- Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
- Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
- You take naps.
- Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
- Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
- You go to the chemist for nurofen and antacid, rather than condoms and pregnancy tests.
- A $10.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
- You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
- "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
- Most of the time you spend at the computer is for actual work.
- You eat at home to save money.
- When you find out a friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh No! What the hell happened?"
You read this entire list looking desperately for a sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt. Then you forward it to a bunch of old pals & friends because you know they'll enjoy it & do the same.
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